Saturday, December 31, 2011

Email Typo

I'm cleaning up the email files so I can move them to a new computer and came across this email I forwarded home to humor Marti. I'm sure we've all had those occasions when spell checker was correct, but it still didn't help you out. (I've removed last names to protect the innocent.)

-----Original Message-----
From: Smith, Dale (R)
Sent: Friday, May 26, 2006 1:37 PM
To: Cxxxxxxx, William W.
Subject: New Hires

Do you have resumes for Matthew Xxxxxx and Brady Xxxxxxx. I would like to have some more background on them before they arrive.
Thanks,
Dale

-----Original Message-----
From: Cxxxxxx, William W.
Sent: Monday, June 19, 2006 11:05 AM
To: Smith, Dale (R)
Subject: RE: New Hires

Dale,
I assume you got these? Please let me know if I still need to track down.
Bill

-----Original Message-----
From: Smith, Dale (R)
Sent: Monday, June 19, 2006 11:10 AM
To: Cxxxxxxx, William W.
Subject: RE: New Hires

I'm god. They're here and I've given them work to do.
Dale

-----Original Message-----
From: Cxxxxxx, William W.
Sent: Monday, June 19, 2006 11:14 AM
To: Smith, Dale (R)
Subject: RE: New Hires

Good deal. Glad to see your new position suits you well...
your humble servant,
Bill

==================================================================================

I was supposed to be good, not god, but rereading this whole exchange it makes me wonder two things:
1) Do they use email in heaven? Based on my the use of email at work, it is probably reserved for use at the other place.
2) I wonder what my resume looked like when I was given this assignment...

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Loooooong Weekend

Under normal circumstances I would never look forward to the end of a weekend, but this weekend is not a normal weekend.



I am glad Marti was able to go see Brittney, but we are looking forward to her being back home.













Sunday, September 18, 2011

Conversations and Commentators

Jacob has a pretty quick wit, so I thought I'd share a couple of his recent comments.


Many of the 8th grade football players sit together at the high school football games. I was taking Jacob and a friend through a drive through to get some lunch the day after a game. He's the youngest of four so I think he's learned I ask leading questions sometimes just to see what interesting information may be solicited (such as if there might be an interest in someone particular).
Me: "I noticed there were lots of girls sitting around you guys last night".
Jacob (with no pause or hesitation): "We're not gay".
I had no further follow-up questions at that point and the witness was allowed to step down.

The day after BYU turned the ball over 7 times and was mightily defeated by Utah.
Me: "So are you going to wear your BYU gear to school tomorrow, or are you going to wear your Texas clothes?"
Jacob (again no pause or hesitation): "I'm not going to school."
Jacob has proudly worn his BYU gear through thick and thin, but Monday we will see if this was just too much. (Side note: Does Jimmer still have football eligibility?)


One of Jacob's pet peeves in life is when people or commentators make obvious statements about something. When I was young kids might say something like, "no kidding Sherlock." Now I think they say, "thank you captain obvious". Statements that might get you labeled as a commentator by Jacob are:






  • "If the team scores more points they will win."



  • They really need to make something happen here if they hope to have a chance", when a team is down by multiple touchdowns.



  • "It looks like this game is going to take all of the time".



One comment I recently heard along these lines on TV during a football game was, "He runs low to the ground, but then again, he's only 5-4." Thank you "Mr. Commentator".

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Things to Remember

It's been a little over a week since Marti and Brittney pulled out of the driveway beginning the journey to take Brittney off to college. I have been really busy at work, so I hadn't spent too much time thinking about the fact that she was leaving. Generally I try to look at our children's departure from the nest not so much as leaving, but as beginning their own adventure of growth and discovery. But watching them drive away, it kind of hit me. It was still early and normally I would have gone back to bed for a few more minutes of sleep, but I started thinking about, "Things I want Brittney to Remember" as she starts her new adventure. Here is my list:



  • I love you and want you to be successful.

  • Your Heavenly Father loves you and wants you to be successful.

  • You have great talents and abilities.

  • Achieve your potential

  • Where much is given, much is expected.

  • You can always call home

  • Make good choices

  • Use the buddy system

  • Every male is motivated by "one thing" in some form or fashion.

  • How and what a male does to pursue that "one thing" differentiates the good ones from the bad ones.

  • If a male is not at least somewhat motivated by that "one thing" then he probably doesn't have the masculinity you will be looking for in an Alpha Male.

  • You should be the center of the universe for any male who desires your long term companionship.

  • A male desiring your long term companionship should willingly take the obstacle course challenge, or at least be willing to walk to the door when he picks you up.

  • You have to drive for yourself and everyone else.

  • Utah drivers are not like Texas drivers. They even scare me.

  • Don't use your phone while you are driving.

  • Don't drive when you are tired.

  • Don't let anyone else drive your car. That is a "dad" rule and exceptions can only be approved by him.

  • Avoid driving on snow and ice

  • Remeber why you are at college

  • Go to class

  • The M&D scholarship does have performance expectations

  • Be wary of any male who tries to control your universe (danger sign)

  • Eat dinner together at the table as a family. (Meal time can count as FHE if there is good discussion.)

  • Your mother is a role model for raising your own children someday.

  • Attend church every Sunday. OCH's are allowed, but should be rare.

  • Don't ever let an individual come between you and God.

  • Remember to stack the odds in your favor for success.

Brittney, I love you and want all the best the world has to offer for you. You will be missed.


Love,


Dad

Saturday, July 23, 2011

New Bumper Sticker for Marti

I have a longer blog I will post someday, but this will suffice for today:

I tried golf and decided that wasn't my thing.

5 Questions

I have 5 questions I will often ask the youth when I teach them. These are not them.

Of course our resident vacuum expert said they forgot the most important one: How well does it suck?

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Wax or Nair?

I was at the doctor's office a couple of weeks ago and the doctor started to look in my ears. He says, "you've got a lot of hair in your ear canal. I'm not sure I can see the ear drum. Oh, there it is. Has your regular doctor ever told you, you have have a lot of hair in your ear canal?"

Today, I went to get a hair cut (there's a whole blog in itself on how I feel cheated when I go for a hair cut). I think the older couple who own and cut hair in the barber shop are from Vietnam or one of its neighboring countries. After I provided my hair style request, Mrs. Barber started folding down my collar in preparation for the haircut and in her accent made the following comment, "I guess you can go out in the evening and not worry about mosquitoes biting your neck."

Okay, I get it. I have an ample supply of hair everyplace but on the top of my head. But, I think there was a time when having some hair on your chest was considered manly.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Just Google It

It truly amazes me the information you can find on the Internet. There is more than one search engine, but the one I find myself using the most is Google. I have used it for information on multiple recent projects and I have even started telling the kids to "just google it" when someone in the family has a question that would otherwise go unanswered.

Here are some things I have googled recently:


  • Air conditioning units 10,000 BTU

  • How to install a split zone air conditioner

  • Dodge Ram 1500 overheating problems

  • How to replace a radiator in a Dodge Ram 1500

  • How to replace a radiator in a Dodge Ram 1500 (sometimes you have to look things up more than once)

  • Sales price for a Dodge Ram 1500

  • Why does my pee smell after I eat asparagus

One thing I don't normally Google is, "proper use of the English language". I'm an engineer, so I have a pass when it comes to that.


If you were wondering, your pee smells because of the sulfur compounds produced during the digestion of asparagus. Of course it's the Internet, so you may not want to believe everything you read.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

No Appendage Required

Neighbor one was out mowing their lawn. Neighbor two (also a woman) approached her and the following conversation took place.


Neighbor two: Why are you was mowing the lawn?
Neighbor one: My husband just had knee surgery"
Neighbor two: Well I don't think a woman should be mowing the lawn.
Neighbor one: Well it doesn't take a penis to mow the lawn!


Many of you know my wife mows the lawn all the time. In fact she does a better job at it than I do. She even suggested I use this line next time sharing duties in the home is discussed at church. Probably not, but then again...

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Rodeo Taunts

We went to the rodeo a while back. There were the regular events like bull riding, saddle bronc riding, barrel racing, etc. One of the favorites at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo is "mutton busting" where five year old kids hang on to the back of a sheep for as long as possible. It's kind of like scaled down bull riding, except it's more acceptable if the contestants cry.

Unlike many sporting events, there aren't really any referee's for the crowd to yell at during the rodeo. There are judges, but they're low key and not really involved in the action. Since there aren't referees to taunt, we decided to have a brainstorming session on comments you might otherwise hear from the stands:




  • Come on - it's only eight seconds!


  • Your horse is slow!


  • I bet Jimmer could have ridden that bull!


  • Come on kid, it's only a sheep!


  • Let's see you wrestle one of those that hasn't been castrated!


  • Your daddy's a barrel racer!


  • Look at the big man rope the little cow (in a Dana Carvey muscleman voice)!


Maybe it's just as well the crowd doesn't get too involved at the rodeo.



Sunday, March 27, 2011

Medical Condition?

I was filling out the permission and medical release form for our Stake's upcoming youth conference.  On the form it had a section to note any known medical conditions.  Since Brittney was in earshot, I asked Marti how she normally described Brittney's medical condition.  Without missing a beat Marti replied, "blonde".  Of course this sparked an immediate response from Brittney.  We do love her, but it's still fun to tease her every now and then. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Cruel Jack

I took the following picture in 2001.  At the time gas prices were at what seemed to be a high price, and I thought it was ironic that the name of the station was "Cruel Jack's." 

Maybe those were the good old days and Jack really wasn't so cruel.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Thinker or The Ethics of the Bathroom Handicap Stall?

Just about anybody I know who has any sense of morality or ethics would never park in a handicap parking spot. Personally I don't mind parking far from the entrance, because that means the door on my vehicle is less likely to get dinged. Of course if I'm driving one of our cars with high school parking lot experience and a teenage driver on it's resume, I just park right up front. The least of my worries is door dings at this point.
 
But when it comes to the bathroom there is no sign on the handicap stall. So it leaves me pondering what is the proper thing to do? The restroom at the office has two stalls, one regular sized one and a second oversized handicap stall. I wouldn't say I'm claustrophobic, but I do like the roominess provided in the oversized stall. A little elbow room while you play brick breaker on your blackberry never hurts.

As far as I know there isn’t anyone on my floor who requires the handicap stall, but what if someone visiting our office had a bad burrito for lunch and was in a hurry? Obviously it would be an unpleasant situation for everyone involved, but is building security going to write you up?

Just wondering?

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Tribal Name

Marti and I have been asked to participate in our stake's youth conference this spring.  The theme is Moroni's Quest and the youth will re-enact various stories from the Book of Mormon.  Our assignment is to be tribal leaders.  We will have a group of youth assigned to us for whom we will be responsible during the two day conference.  As part of the preparation we had to decide on a tribal name.  Once our "tribe" is assigned we will have to make a banner.  Here are some of the ideas from our family brain-storming session (the tribal name does not necessarily have to tie to the theme):
  • The Term-ites
  • The Social Networkers (sub-caption: Be My Friend)
  • The Jimmer-ites
  • The Anti-Utes
  • The Tribe Full of Shiz-ites
  • The "White" Crackers
  • Our shorts are long enough (this is a reference to girls camp)
  • Allen-ites (our Stake president)
  • Monson-ites
  • Some Ites or Whatever
  • Men and Women-ites
  • Smith and Wesson-ites
  • The Run Like Hell-ites (sub-caption: we have no courage)
  • The All-Star tribe
  • The OCH-ites
  • The Funner-ites
  • the Lazy-ites
  • The Stripling Warriors
A basic rule of brainstorming is that there are no wrong or bad ideas during the "brainstorming" process.  As a result there are a few other names I didn't include (remember "fit for public consumption"), but that may explain why we were on the "Back-up" list for adult leaders to begin with.

Ultimately we decided to combine a a couple of ideas and be "The Smithling Warriors aka the Jimmer-ites".  Depending on the group of youth that is assigned to us, we may have to explain the whole Jimmer-ite thing.  For those that don't watch Sports Center or BYU basketball, Jimmer Fredette is a player for BYU who leads the nation in scoring. 

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Basketball Refs

This is from the comic "In the Bleachers". 

I took the the video camera with me to Jacob's last game, because when I video tape it gives me something to do and I don't tend to get so vocal.   Apparently I was a bad influence the previous week and one of the other dad's told me, "I told my wife she can't sit near you this week."    I coached their son for several years, so they know I am a sane, rational person most of the time.  At least that's what I tell myself. 

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Calling "Shotgun"

Jacob spends a lot of time at his best friend's house and is very comfortable with their family. Maybe too comfortable? As reported by his best friend's mother, he now calls "shotgun" when they go somewhere in the car.